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Thursday
Jan192017

My aha while changing diapers

Hey there

Last night was I was woken up by my two year old daughter. It was tough for me to get back to sleep because I was so excited by what happened.

What she's been struggling with is something we all struggle with (and this is not about bladder control). 

Here's a 3 minute video about my aha...and hopefully how it can help you.

And by the way, I still have some spots open in January for a complimentary 30 minutes strategy session.

Sign up here for your free strategy session if...

  • Your career is feeling kinda blah
  • Your job sucks, and you're ready for a change
  • You're experiencing angst and don't know why

Hope you enjoy the video (and that this wasn't just a mommy moment that only makes sense to me).

Talk soon!
Stella

Thursday
Jan122017

My 30 second morning routine to stay productive

 
Hi  there!
I was recently asked by a reader to share my morning routine ... so here it is, in this video.

Key points about this short video:

  •     I don't like routine!
  •     It only takes about 30 seconds
  •     When I don't do this, I feel like I'm in a daze so this exercise keeps me organized and present
  •     (And, this is what I look like without make-up and with a stuffy nose)


I strongly recommend this particular practice to my executive coaching clients when they report feeling unfocused and overwhelmed.

Let me know what you think! And if YOU have any questions you want me to answer.

Best,
Stella

Friday
Nov112016

A simple exercise to help you stay hopeful about the future

Hi there,

Whether you're grateful that Donald Trump won or devastated, now is the time for us to open to new possibilities.

Regardless of the outcome you desired, it's clear that our nation has been in a high state of anxiety and fear.

And usually such emotion spurs us to shut down, narrow in, and play it safe.   

In fact, just yesterday a client of mine told me that she's considering leaving the country - and instead of going after her dream job - just finding an opportunity to pay the bills.

I get it. Really, I do.

But it's in these kinds of times that we must stand in the discomfort and deny the urge to escape or go numb.

It's in uncertain moments where we have the greatest opportunity to open to new ways of seeing, being, understanding - to GROW.

It's NOW that we must lead with our hearts - more than ever.


If you're not sure what your heart is telling you about the future, here's an exercise you might enjoy. It's called a Vision Generator - and it will help you get excited and clear about what's to come. You can the exercise download here.

And know this: Researchers have found that our happiness is indeed influenced by circumstances outside of our control - but the impact is actually pretty small, only about 10%.

50% of our happiness is influenced by our genetics and the personality we're born with.

But guess what? A whopping 40% of your happiness in IN YOUR CONTROL. It's based on your choices -  the thoughts you think and the decisions you make.

If you want some help taking control of your happiness and to talk about your future, I'd be honored to support you.

I've made a few spots available on my calendar before the holiday for a complimentary strategy session - you can book 30 minutes for us to chat here.


With much love and hope,
Stella

Monday
Aug152016

It's never too late to live your dreams, here's my client's story

Hi
As you would imagine, I celebrate every one of my clients' successes. I’m like a coach, cheerleader and fan club all rolled into one. But when I got an email from one of my former clients, Michelle, I couldn’t stop smiling for days. You see, Michelle came to me when she was feeling so burned out and miserable at her job, she didn’t know how she was going to keep going. (She actually said to me, “This job is killing me slowly.”)
 
We worked together for three months—and I mean worked! Michelle had been stuck in the wrong career for 10 years at that point. So not only was she defensive but she was pretty closed off to what she was even passionate about. But I kept asking her the tough questions and putting up a mirror to her truth, and little by little, she started to recover herself. 
Finally, she found the courage to decide to leave her career in healthcare and go into the field of fashion.
 
So, in the email I mentioned earlier, she was writing to tell me how happy she was, how well things were going for her, how excited she was now about the possibilities each day brings and how grateful she was to me for helping her find her new way. Which gave me an idea. I called Michelle and asked if she would be willing to tell her story in a recorded interview, which I would then share with all of you. Because it’s one thing for me to tell you how it’s possible to change direction and find happiness at work, but how much more meaningful is it to hear an actual story from someone who is in the midst of doing just that?!
 
Michelle didn’t miss a beat. “Sure!,” she said generously. You can listen to her very inspiring interview here.  
 
Spoiler alert! You will hear Michelle talk about how scary this decision was because:
  • She had to take a financial risk and give up her comfortable six-figure salary
  • She would be entering a career in which she had no previous training
  • She would be going back to school with 18-year-olds after spending more than a decade already in corporate America
 
Of course, I didn’t just let Michelle take the leap blindly. We talked about different financial plans. She researched the different schools and their programs, and then we worked on a line-item budget, on different options for working part-time or other ways of making some money or taking out a loan. And I helped prepare her for how to talk with her husband about the decision.
 
But the most important take-away from Michelle’s story: It’s never too late to fulfill your calling. “I made a bigger change in my life in three or four months than I had made in 10 years,”  Michelle says.
 
Is there a dream career in your future? Don’t waste any more time being frustrated or miserable with your job.  

If you're ready for some kind of change at work—or just know it has to be better than this—let's talk. I've made some space available in my calendar over the next few weeks. Book 30 minutes for us to chat...and maybe I can ask you some tough questions to help you move forward. 
 
I look forward to hearing from you!
 
Best,
Stella
Thursday
Jun302016

The ABCs of Not Taking Things Personally

Hey there,

 

Do you find yourself getting defensive at feedback?

Do you keep playing certain conversations over and over in your head?

Are you upset, annoyed or angry with someone and can’t seem to get over it?

Are you uncomfortable around a particular person and beginning to think there’s something wrong with you?


Well, you’re not alone.


In fact, Albert Ellis, an American psychologist considered to be the father of cognitive-behavioral therapy, found that people can get stuck in an irrational belief system that holds us back.
Our beliefs aren’t necessarily true.  If we don’t examine our beliefs, question them, or are aware of them, they can end up controlling us as if they are the truth. Ellis came up with the Three Basic Musts, which tend to be at the universal root causes for why we over react or take things too personally:

 

  • Must #1 (a demand on yourself): “I must do well and get approval, or else I’m worthless.” This ones causes anxiety, depression and lack of assertiveness.

 

  • Must #2 (a demand on others): “You must treat me reasonably, considerately and kindly, or else you’re no good.” This leads to resentment, hostility, even violence.

 

  • Must #3 (a demand on situations): “Life must be fair, easy and hassle-free, or else it’s awful.” This leads to hopelessness, procrastination, giving up.

 

Granted, Ellis is over-generalizing, but his point is that everyone and everything is fallible—people and the world at large—and that unless we stop taking things so personally with no consideration for another’s perspective or other possibilities, we’re doomed to being miserable and acting out in ways that we may well later regret.


Easier said than done, right?! Fortunately, Ellis was also all about self-help and coming up with techniques to help people change their beliefs and thought patterns. In other words, just because you think or believe a certain way doesn’t mean it’s correct and that you have to act upon it.


He can up with the ABCDE technique (easy to remember!), which is a tool I practice myself and share with my clients, many of whom have found it to be a game changer.


A = Identify the ACTIVATING event.

Think of it factually, without interpretation. For example, Someone drove into my lane, causing me to brake quickly.


B = What is your BELIEF about what happened?

Now give the unedited version of what you’re really thinking. That guy was a total A$$hole…careless and stupid!


C = What is the CONSEQUENCE of your belief?

How does it make you feel? I’m so angry and can feel myself wanting to scream.


D = Now DISPUTE your belief.

What’s another way of looking at what happened? Maybe that guy was rushing to the hospital because his wife was in labor. Or maybe he just didn’t see me.


E = Notice the EFFECT of disputing your belief.

Huh, I’m no longer angry now. By giving someone else the benefit of the doubt, you give yourself the benefit of calm.


The more you practice this technique, the more empowered you’re going to feel. Trust me, it really works. We may not always know the reason someone did something or why something happened. But that’s not the point. The point is that most likely, it had nothing to do with us! And this realization can be very liberating, calming, hopeful and, like I said, empowering.


I’ll leave you with this recent anecdote that perfectly conveys the point:

A client was complaining to me that her boss was suddenly using a harsh tone with her and being very dismissive. She felt that she wasn’t being respected, and it was wreaking havoc with her work and emotions. So, I threw out a dispute for her feeling/belief—one that had nothing to do with her or her performance. “Before jumping to the wrong conclusion, maybe consider that he’s stressed out about something in his own life and taking it out on you without realizing. Can you take a breath and possibly find out if something else is going on?” Before long, she learned that her boss’ wife was battling breast cancer.


Moral of the story: We don’t always know what’s going on with other people, nor can we control everything. The one thing we can control is how we feel…and ultimately, respond. 


I’d love to know if you try practicing this technique and how it works for you. Keep me posted, okay?! But if I don’t hear from you right away, I’ll try not to take it personally. ;~)


Best,

Stella


p.s. Want some extra support with a situation you’re dealing with now? You know I’m here for you. Just schedule 30 minutes to chat for a complimentary coaching session.