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Tuesday
Mar212017

Trying to fix your problems all by yourself?

Hey there,

Feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders? And feeling kinda alone in your struggle?

Well, been there and done that.

And that's why it's especially excruciating for me to witness people make the same mistake I did for so long: going it alone.

When I first launched Woopaah I went into a zombie like depressive state...

I felt like a fraud and was afraid to admit I wasn't happy and may have made a mistake.

When I wasn't working, I'd zonk out on Netflix until my thighs were red from the heat of my laptop.

Here I was, a happiness expert and a business coach, who was both miserable and sabotaging her business.
 
I felt especially bad...because technically I "knew" how to fix my situation. But I wasn't doing it!

Ever done that?

One of the reasons I stayed pretty miserable for as long as I did was because I was experiencing False Hope Syndrome.

False Hope Syndrome is when you make a decision to change something about yourself and feel a fresh sense of hope and optimism...and that ends up sabotaging your actually getting stuff done...

Because you underestimate how much effort it takes and you end up failing. And not changing.

And this can go on and on (it explains failed New Year's Resolutions and why we keep setting them each year).

Choosing a new goal to change can temporarily dull/numb the pain, but doesn't address the root issue you want to shift.

It's not your fault that your mind works this way...we're all a bit guilty of this every once in a while.

So what did I do to stop the vicious cycle? I hired a coach to hold me accountable to my own advice, to help me hear myself, and to create a realistic plan.


If you're trying to fix your career on your own...consider this:

  •     How long have you felt unhappy about things at work?
  •     Have you done everything you can to change your situation?
  •     How much is it costing you to things to continue as they are?
  •     Do you even know what you really, really want?


PLAAEESE. Don't make my mistake and try to do this on your own.

Don't get seduced by committing to the "idea" of change and then just let life get in the way...and another year goes by.

I'm opening a few spots next week for a complimentary strategy session if you want to talk any of this through or work with me to finally experience your dream job.

Just use this link to give me some background and book 30 min on my calendar.

Best,
Stella

PS It took me a while to get over the shame/embarrassment of allowing things to get that bad. Just know it doesn't have to be this way. And the FASTEST way to get over this rut is to get some support. Hope to talk soon.

PPS Incase you didn't watch my video from last week, I talked to Dr. Morwenna Kirwan about False Hope Syndrome and two other mind traps that keep from you from achieving your goals. We focused mostly on weight lost but it's relevant to any behavior change. You can catch that here.

Saturday
Mar182017

Not happy with your body?

Hey there,

Packing a few extra pounds? Yeah, me, too.

I gained 68 pounds when I was pregnant (that was over 50% of my pre-pregnancy weight).

It's been two years, and I'm about 5-10 pounds away from fitting into my skinniest jeans.

It's not the pounds that have bothered me as much as just not feeling good in my body... I want to feel more vitalicious (not a real word, but you know what I mean) and energized.

I wish I was one of those people who just "needed" to workout. I wish I LOVED going for a run. But maintaining a workout routine has been a struggle for me. Even though I always feel great after exercising.

Add a cross country move, a new home that is begging for attention, a toddler, and being sick once a month (thanks to daycare germs)...and it's so easy for me to find excuses for being off my game.

Plus, I'd much rather talk to a client than than put on my gym close and hop on the treadmill... any day!

But despite all that resistance, I've finally broken through and established a routine that I'm sticking to (and, actually enjoy!).

And there's one woman who has especially helped me through it... Dr. Morwenna Kirwan.

Morwenna has her Masters in Psychology, her PhD in Health Behavior Change, and until recently, was a tenured professor at a university in Sydney, Australia.  Harvard Medical School awarded Morwenna for most impactful and innovative research.

As if that wasn't enough, she's also a Certified Health and Eating psychology coach.

So, basically, this woman, knows her stuff.

But despite all her success, she wasn't feeling fulfilled. So Morwenna sought me out to help her feel more alive at work. That's how we met.


And while I've been helping her rethink her career, Morwenna (without even realizing it), was helping me feel more alive in my body.

Her methodology is the most balanced, sane, and doable approach to well-being that I've come across...and I wanted her to share some strategies with you.

Check out my interview with Morwenna...where she shares 3 psychological secrets to losing weight and loving your body...these insights have really shifted my behavior.

Not only do these secrets help you break bad habits around eating or (not) working out, but they're applicable to shifting any behavior.

** You can watch the interview here.

Here's to your good health and feeling vitalicious!

Best,
Stella

PS I begged Morwenna to put together a deeper, more specific, training on how body image (and how to Stop Hating Your Body and Transform Your Relationship with Food).  ** You can get free access here: 

Tuesday
Mar072017

Want more appreciation at work? Here's 4 steps to get some.

Feel like you're working your butt off ... but no one is really paying attention?

Or, maybe all the feedback you get is negative...and there's no mention about what you're actually doing well?

So many folks come to me with this complaint. And it sucks.

Not being appreciated feels pretty crumby and can easily lead to resentment, which can lead to not giving your 100%, which can lead to fantasies of working elsewhere.

So before you start interviewing...or worse, let your performance suffer...try this!

Figure out what kind of appreciation you really want...and (gasp) ASK FOR IT!

Not all appreciation is created equal. We have to get specific about Who, What, When, Where, and How. Seriously.

1. Clarify WHO you want appreciation from. This may seem obvious...but maybe not.

  • One of my clients (an engineer) wanted feedback from her VP. I asked my client about her VP's experience and it turns out that she's more sales oriented than engineering. Aha! My client realized that  she wanted technical feedback from her colleagues instead of her boss. Her boss was actually incapable of giving her what she wanted.
  • Who do you want to recognize your work? Maybe it's not your boss but your manager's boss, your colleagues, your industry, the media, or your family and friends at home.


2. Now think about the HOW.
This may feel awkward...but it's VITAL to nail the forms of appreciation that matter most to you.

  • I worked with a manager who thought he was appreciating his employee by giving her bigger responsibilities. It turns out that she was feeling punished instead of recognized.

Let's figure out HOW you want to be recognized so it actually boosts your motivation instead of taking it away. Do you want someone to...

  • Tell you how well you did verbally
  • Write about it in an email
  • Buy you a gift  
  • Offer you a growth opportunity ("Why don't you join the leadership committee")
  • Give you a raise

3. Where and When would you like this recognition?
Yes, we're getting that specific. Only because your boss or whoever it is, is not a mind reader. And what may seem like common sense to you - is not.

  • Do you want this done publicly?
  • Do you want this privately?
  • When is an ideal time? And how frequently do you want it? After each time you report the monthly stats? At your weekly one-on-one's? Casually, each time she notices something you've done well?

4. Now ask for it
Gulp. This may be the hardest part for most people. It's vulnerable. And no one wants to come off as needy or whiney. So how do you ask for positive feedback and appreciation while keeping your pride?

  • Set up a meeting or add an agenda item to a standing meeting (don't just mention this during your elevator ride out to lunch).
  • "Is it okay with you if we spend 5-10 minutes talking about how I'm doing - I have some ideas I want to run past you."
    • Remember, you're doing them a favor.
  • This is about how you can be an even greater contributor - and you're helping your boss (or whoever) get more value out your performance. You're also saving them potentially a ton of money and time by not quitting. So frame it that way, gently.
  • "I'm dedicated to giving company ABC my 100%. I'm so excited for us to nail our quarterly goal! And I'm grateful for your leadership and mentorship in helping me grow."
    • Then acknowledge how their constructive or negative feedback is useful:
  • "It's useful when you give me tips on how to improve and I'm working on those areas regularly (for example...)."
    • Now make your specific request of What, Where, When, & How:
  • "Some information that I feel I'm missing (in order to really excel), is to know the areas where I'm doing well. For example, can you tell me where I'm meeting or exceeding your expectations?"
  • "Knowing those kinds of data points would help me be an greater performer ..."
  • "Because not only would I continue to transform my weaknesses, but I could deepen my strengths." 
  • "Would it be possible for us to this more regularly? For example, just to use use two minutes of our one-on-one time for me to hear from you - what about my performance that week met your expectations, or exceeded your expectations in addition to any suggestions for how I can approve?"
  • That's it! You got this. If you try this, please reply and let me know how it goes! And if you've tried to get positive feedback through other strategies - please share!

    Best,
    Stella

    Friday
    Feb172017

    Addicted to job hunting online?

    Are you ready to find your dream job... this year?

    Do you sit there glued to the screen, hopes up, scrolling around on LinkedIn seeking an escape? Fantasizing about the possibilities?

    Well, stop everything...and sign up for my free training on How to Find your Dream Job! It's only available this week!

    Here's the unfortunate truth about job hunting online, there's no guarantee that whatever new opportunity you find won't land
    you right back where you are (different job, same feeling).

    A lot folks who aren't happy at work struggle with the fear that they'll just repeat the same pattern and so they begin to doubt their instincts.

    Your instincts aren't the problem, you just need the right system for discerning between your truth, your values, other people's values, and fear.

    Trying to figure out what you want by looking for jobs online is like looking for a needle in a haystack. That needle being your dream job and life.

    And then when you're ready to actually apply, sometimes it just feels like you're sending your resume into a black hole.  

    I'm not totally anti-online job hunting, it's just that most people are using it in the wrong way and at the wrong time.

    The key, if you're really looking to find your dream job, is do the inner work first.

    Once you do that, your search accelerates dramatically.

    •     You can make decisions faster
    •     You know how to sift through choices
    •     You know the right questions to ask
    •     You're confident about your instincts

    And to do the inner work doesn't mean you have to go sit on a mountain top and retreat from civilization in silence for a week. It's actually
    pretty simple.

    I hope you take advantage of the free training I just created and am offering for this week only.

    It's all about helping you find your dream job fast so you don't have to fantasize about being happier, more engaged and actually excited by
    what you do...

    You get to live it.

    In the training I teach you how to:

    • How to avoid three major job hunting traps that lead to self sabotage, settling for unexciting options, and being unfulfilled.
    • The step by step formula for getting clear on what you really want to do so that you wake up feeling excited for your day instead of snoozing with dread.  
    • A system to network efficiently so you're not wasting time, feeling awkward, and attending a bunch of random events instead of having dinner with loved ones.
    • How to stay positive and resilient so that you don't give up, get discouraged, and make a decision out of fear.


    If you're ready to stop doubting yourself and being OK with a crappy situation, and step into a future that excites you, that inspires you, that makes you feel like yourself again - let's do it!

    Hope you join me for my new online free training, How to Find Your Dream Job in 2017 - I'm offering this exclusive webinar at multiple times, so grab your spot here.


    Cheers!

    Stella
                                                        

    Sunday
    Feb052017

    Feel Like you're Wasting Away In The Wrong Job?

    Hey there,

    Ever get to work, sit down, see 400 emails that came in overnight and wonder if this will ever end?

    If your seven year old self met you today... would the younger version of you be proud and think you're cool?

    Most people I work with are good at what they do, but it's not what brings them alive. It doesn't make their soul sing, it actually kinda is killing it slowly. I spent a lot of time (and a few careers) feeling that way...

    When I was working in advertising, I remember sitting in on a focus group of moms talking about Goldfish crackers. I had been in a dark room all day long, munching on M&Ms, listening to the nuances of toddler snack time.  

    I couldn't take it anymore.

    So I escaped to the bathroom where I sat quietly in the ugly pink tiled stall and burst into tears. It's there where I spoke to God, or rather pleaded, "there's got to be more than this."


    Looking at it from the outside there was no reason for my misery. I was doing great in brand strategy. I was recognized and even got several awards from my clients and my agency. I worked with nice people (who I still keep in touch with). But waking up to go to work each day was just getting harder and harder and I couldn't figure it out.

    For the first time in my life, I didn't care about my work so I gave 80% instead over achieving with gusto at 150%. I couldn't energize or get motivated like I used to. And I was so confused because I worked so hard to get into this job, and now I didn't know what I really wanted.

    It took me 10 years after my conversation with God in that tiny pink tiled bathroom to finally, with confidence, say, I'm living my dream life and have created my dream career.

    It took a long time because I did a lot of trial and error. I spent many nights lost in thought. I did endless informational interviews. I networked like crazy. And I got a Masters Degree in the Science of Happiness just to figure out what it means to live the good life.

    But looking back now, it didn't have to be that way. And it doesn't have to take you that long, either.

    Here's the REAL REASON why we get trapped in our jobs...

    Most people aren't taught how to figure out what we want. And it's a REAL SKILL.

    So that's why I'm writing. If you also find yourself escaping to the bathroom to have conversations with God, you just feel a little lost in your career, or you just know it's gotta be better than this...

    Let's fix this. Don't wait. Don't let it get worse. And don't spend tons of time and money and heart ache (like me) trying to figure it out alone.  

    You are better than this! You deserve more! There is no reason you should not be able to wake and love your life, your job and your progress.

    Your dream job and life is much CLOSER to you than you think.  

    I've developed a system to help you get clear and feel confident about what's next...and I'd love to share it with you. But only if you're committed to making a change.

    If you're ready to be happier, seriously, whole heartedly, soul-singing happier, let's talk! I'd love to share my system with you and guide you in how to navigate where you are. I've made space for a few 30 minute complimentary strategy sessions. And it's yours... if you just book it now (first come, first served).

    Book your call here  and answer a few questions about yourself - so I can be prepared for our call. Then find 30 minutes on my calendar that works for you!

    That's it.  

    I'm excited for you...hope to chat soon.

    Best,

    Stella

    P.S. You don't need to wait 10 years like I did in order to have a happy work life. There is a simple formula that will help you so can stop feeling like you are wasting away in the wrong job & get the life you want. Here's that link again.